CHILDREN
AND FAMILY MOVES
By The American Academy of Child
& Adolescent Psychiatry
Moving to a new community may be one of the most stress-producing experiences
a family faces. Frequent moves or even a single move can be especially hard
on a youngster, and this stress occurs even when there are siblings.
Moves interrupt friendships. To a new child at school, it may at first seem
that everyone else has a best friend or is securely involved in a clique.
The child must get used to a different curriculum, and finds him or herself
ahead on certain subjects and behind on others, causing boredom and anxiety.
Children in kindergarten or first grade may be particularly vulnerable to
a family move because developmentally they are just in the process of separating
from their parents and adjusting to new authority figures and peer groups.
The relocation can interfere with that normal process of separation by causing
them to return to a more dependent relationship with their parents.
In general, the older the child, the more difficulty he or she will have
with the move because of the increasing importance of the peer group. Pre-teens
and teenagers may repeatedly protest the move, or ask to stay in their hometown
with a friend's family. Some youngsters may not talk about their distress,
so parents should be aware of the warning signs of depression, including
changes in appetite, withdrawal, a drop in grades, irritability, sleep disturbances
or other dramatic changes in behavior.
Children who seem depressed by a move may be reacting less to the relocation
than to the stress of their parents settling in to a new area. Sometimes
one parent may be against the move, and children will sense and react to
this parental discord.
If the child shows persistent signs of depression or distress, parents can
ask their family doctor, their pediatrician or the local medical society
to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and
treat physical as well as emotional problems that may affect children as
a result of stress. The child and adolescent psychiatrist can also help
parents learn how to make the new experience easier on the entire family.
To make the move easier on children, parents may take these steps:
- Explain clearly to the children why the move is necessary.
- Familiarize the children as much as possible with the new area with
maps, photographs or the daily newspaper.
- Describe advantages of the new location that the child might appreciate
such as a lake, mountain or an amusement park.
- After the move, get involved with the children in activities of the
local church or synagogue, PTA, scouts, YMCA, etc.
- If a son or daughter is a senior in high school, consider the possibility
of letting him or her stay with a trusted family until the school year
is over.
The more frequently a family moves, the more important is the need for internal
stability. With the proper attention from parents and professional help
if necessary, moving can be a positive growth experience for children, leading
to increased self-confidence and interpersonal skills.
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry provides this important
information as a public service to assist parents and families in their
most important roles. It is neither ethical nor responsible to use the internet
for consultation about specific children or families. The Facts for families
sheets may be duplicated and distributed free of charge as long as the American
Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry is properly credited and no profit
is gained from their use. This page was created and is maintained by the
Psychiatry Star Team for the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
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